


Curiosity (and shame) killed the cat

by Dreamers_den



Series: Adventures of Grimmjow and Ulquiorra [4]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Humor, Secrets, embarrasing moment, grimmjow has NSWF magazines and tries to hide them, ulquiorra is too curious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamers_den/pseuds/Dreamers_den
Summary: Grimmjow accidentally gets some NSFW magazines and unwisely takes them to Hueco Mundo. When he realizes, he tries to hide it from others, but suddenly everyone wants to talk to him.
Series: Adventures of Grimmjow and Ulquiorra [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677805
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Curiosity (and shame) killed the cat

Obviously, humans think differently than Hollows. There was no doubt about it. Which is why Grimmjow´s fights with that human/Shinigami were always awkward and never really lead anywhere.

_Know your enemy._

Easier said than done if you´re both different beings living in different realms. But there just had to be some way of understanding humans better. And it wasn´t like Grimmjow could just go to Human world and start asking around. Even if he tried, normal humans wouldn´t be able to see him anyway.

But while the Espada couldn´t interact with humans, he could observe them. Maybe if he tried that, he could find some way of getting in their heads. Following that logic, Grimmjow sneaked to Human world.

First thing he noticed was that teenage boys were all reading some paper books. For some reason, they would meet in groups and flip through the pages and then snicker as if following some hidden joke which only they understood.

Curious like any cat, Grimmjow decided that he just _needed_ to know what those books were about. 

“Okay, there has to be reason why all guys are reading these,” he murmured under his breath, after he Sonido-ed to the closest newsstand. The paper books were surprisingly thin and for some reason, they were sealed in plastic wrapping, as if to prevent the customers from reading them before paying.

Snorting, Grimmjow grabbed a bunch of the magazines. As if he would pay for these! Getting human stuff for free was one perk of being invisible to them. And if some people panicked because the magazines suddenly started floating around, it wasn´t Grimmjow´s problem.

Happy with his loot, Grimmjow relocated back to Hueco Mundo. As soon as he landed on the roof of Las Noches, he tore the plastic wrapping off.

“Okay, Kurosaki. Time to find out how guys like you think,” he snickered, flipping through the pages. 

“Oh, fuck!” Quickly, he slapped the magazine closed and looked around to check whenever he was really alone. “What the hell?” Grimmjow glanced into magazine before pressing pages together again. 

He didn´t expect that.

To be fair, maybe he could have. Humans could reproduce, right? Of course they would think about reproducing often. And all the sexy chicks in bikini or underwear or just tiny random pieces of fabric pretending to be clothes… Grimmjow forcefully shook his head.

Were human teenagers really that fascinated by women in underwear?

Apparently, they were.

And apparently, Grimmjow now owned several magazines full of such pictures. Suspiciously, he looked around. No one must see him with these! They would mock him forever, especially Noitra. Shit, Noitra would never let him live that down. He had to get rid of the magazines as soon as possible. 

But before Grimmjow could anything, he heard steps approaching him. For a second, he stumbled with the magazines, before he desperately rolled them up and stuffed down his hakama. At least the leg part was really wide, so the magazines easily fit in there. But they would also easily fall out the moment he would try to walk.

“Yo, Grimmjow,” Szayel greeted him, waving a gloved hand. “Do you have a minute?”

“I´m busy,” Grimmjow growled, trying to stand as still as possible.

“Going somewhere?” Szayel asked, curiously raising an eyebrow.

_Wish I could._ “Nah. What do you want?”

“I need someone to help me with one experiment,” Szayel said, grinning eagerly.

“Not interested.”

“I didn´t even tell you what it´s about!”

Grimmjow glared as much as he could without moving. “Don´t think that I forgot the last time.”

“I apologized!”

“Piss off. I´m not helping you with any more experiments.”

Pouting, Szayel stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, don´t come complaining to me when you´re bored again.” With a huff, he turned around and left.

Grimmjow could finally exhale in relief and shake the magazines out of his hakama. There was no way he could just sneak right back into Human world. He would have to hide these in his room for now. But how can he get there without anyone seeing him with his contraband? 

Looking around his outfit left Grimmjow with pathetic lack of options. His jacket was too short to hide the magazines behind his belt. The sleeves were too tight, rolled magazines would be immediately visible in them. 

For a second, he even contemplated trying to eat the magazines to get rid of the evidence. But then he suddenly felt a presence behind his back.

“Grimmjow.”

“Shit!” Hastily turning around, Grimmjow hid the magazines behind his back. “Ulquiorra.”

The smaller Hollow impassively looked up at him. “Aizen-sama will hold a meeting in 30 minutes. Every Espada is to attend.”

“Okay. Whatever.”

Ulquiorra´s green eyes narrowed a fraction. There was no way to tell whenever he noticed something off, and Grimmjow could feel a bead of sweat rolling down his temple.

“Stop staring, asshole,” he growled. “You know I hate when you just stare at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like nothing!” Grimmjow groaned. “It´s just a phrase!” 

The green eyes were now indisputably scanning him. With dread, Grimmjow realized that the magazines behind his back were probably visible through his Hollow hole.

“Don´t be late for the meeting,” Ulquiorra said eventually.

Releasing a breath he didn´t realize he was holding, Grimmjow almost dropped his magazines in relief. “Okay, sure.”

“And don´t travel to Human world without permission again,” Ulquiorra added, turning on his heel.

“Huh?”

“It´s unlikely that you found those magazines in Hueco Mundo.”

Turning bright red, Grimmjow threateningly waved the magazines towards Ulquiorra. “That´s none of your business! It´s just information source to learn more about our enemies.”

“Oh. Is it?” Despite being apparently on depart, Ulquiorra suddenly turned back to Grimmjow.

“I mean, I just found them behind that rock,” Grimmjow hastily said, pointing to random rock in the distance. Of course, Ulquiorra didn´t even look that way.

“It´s useful to know your enemies,” he said and to Grimmjow´s surprise, it sounded almost approvingly. “Maybe you´re finally starting to understand what´s strategy.” 

_And we´re back to insults_ , Grimmjow thought bitterly.

“Whatever. Just piss off. I want to study this strategy on my own.”

“May I borrow them later?”

“What?!”

“I´m interested in this information about our enemies.”

“No.”

“It could be useful for our cause.”

“Over my dead body.”

Ulquiorra blinked, as if shrugging Grimmjow´s protests off. “We´re on the same side. Why don´t you want to share this knowledge with me?”

In that moment, Grimmjow wished that there were storms in Hueco Mundo and that a lightning would hit him. Or that Szayel would return and ask him to do more experiments. He might just agree without asking for details.

“You don´t want to read these.”

“I do.”

“You _reaaally_ don´t.”

“Grimmjow,” Ulquiorra said smoothly, something in his tune sending shivers down Grimmjow´s spine. “Don´t try to tell me what I want. I´m interested in this information.”

The gears in Grimmjow´s head were turning at top speed, while he struggled to think a way out of this. Ulquiorra wasn´t easy to shake off, that was clear. Especially when it came to learning new stuff. Maybe it wasn´t the best idea to tell him that the magazines were source of strategic information. It would have been easier to just say they were porn, bet Ulquiorra wasn´t interested in that.

But it was too late for that and Grimmjow still didn´t want anyone to find out what kind of magazines he had. Not even Ulquiorra.

“We gotta go to the meeting anyway. I can just… borrow them to you later?” he suggested, trying to buy more time.

“Maybe it would be practical to read them at the meeting, to share the information with everyone,” Ulquiorra retorted, almost giving Grimmjow a heart attack.

“What? NO! I mean, Aizen already has plans for that meeting, we can´t just change that!” Desperately, he looked around for some escape route. He could still try eating the magazines too, but that would be pretty suspicious. 

“Then we shall study these together after the meeting.”

Okay, he _had to_ eat the magazines now. There was just no other way. 

But when Grimmjow tried to push the papers in his jaw, Ulquiorra stopped his hand by grabbing his elbow in iron grip.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, in low, dark tune.

Sighing, Grimmjow let his hand fall down. “Never mind.” He quickly opened the magazine on random page, flashing Ulquiorra a view of it. “You really want to study this?”

“Anatomy?” Ulquiorra let go of Grimmjow´s elbow and leant closer to magazine. “I already know human anatomy. This won´t bring me any new knowledge.” With those words, he turned on his heel and Sonido-ed away before Grimmjow could blink.

“Huh?” For a moment, Grimmjow just kept standing there with open magazine like an idiot. “Didn´t expect it to be that easy.”

Suddenly, Noitra appeared right next to him. “Hey! Is that porn?!”

“Shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from Csendes-Arny on deviantart.


End file.
